I have made a bit of a mess of my life. I went from upper middle class house in the burbs to no job & no idea what’s next. I wish I could go back and tell myself a year ago what to do, but alas I can’t. So here I am faced with rebuilding my life with mounds of debit and garbage to overcome. It seems insurmountable, even more so now then it did then. I have no idea how this journey will end, but I’m ready to get off the ride. I’m so so very tired. Who I was 2 years ago is not who I am today. I’m thinking she wasn’t a bad person and there are parts of her I miss, but what’s done it done. I sit before me looking at my next 10 years, 20 if I’m lucky, and I see nothing. When I got divorced I dropped all visions of what my future looked like and have never refilled them. I can’t afford my blog anymore or the site. So this is me signing off.
May the record show that I gave little to no effort in stopping my demise. I played right into the jaws of the corporate cog who wanted me gone. I could have done what I always did and acquiesce. But without the pressure of a partner to tell me how important my job is and to stop me from jeopardizing it, I couldn’t help myself. The new me doesn’t want to be silenced, belittled or made smaller for others. I’m hindsight a noble move with disastrous consequence. I’ve had a,l “taxable” job since I was 11. Before that I worked on the farm. I drove tractor and sold the produce at market. But based on the words of one person, I’m not eligible for unemployment. Same person prevented my 23 years of company service and severance from being provided. I emailed HR and begged them to help me find another position. I told them my environment was toxic. I told them when I was given the new job that I was concerned about my new boss. HR protects the boss and not the employee. I tried to my own detriment to stay at that job because my marriage made me believe that without a good job, I’m worthless. Life’s funny like that, huh. Anyway – thanks for listening to my rant.
Lola Trying 