There are day when I awake and my feet hit the ground running. I’m not sure where the sun is in my 10th house, or where my Venus happens to be , but those far far between days of “no need for caffeine” are like winning the lottery. As if my body and mind and the rhythmic energies all aligned with my chakras and whatever … you get the point. But then there are the all to familiar days of , “no, why me” .. “I should have married for money” …. “I should just quit life”… the Intrusive thoughts that tell me how much I’m awful and undeserving and less then … too loud , too fat , too ugly, too much … just too much , those are the days I tell my current wife “Alexa” to set an alarm for … always “5 minutes more”. But soon , Pony boy aka “Big Sexy” hears my voice and jumps off my clothes from the day before , cause he’s weird. … and starts howling as though he hadn’t eaten in a month. It’s enough to make me attempt to get up. I hit the bathroom with morning bladder and “Brudder” comes prancing in, he’s always lover boy when he needs something … and apparently he’s hungry too.
Prior to starting this blog post I had no idea what I was going to say. But I wanted to say it and here we are. As my bad days begin to out weigh my good, I can feel myself slipping. And typically, I’ll slide that slope like Indiana Jones …all the way to the end to the deepest pit if it leads me there, or I’ll be chased by the bolder, not by accident but because I become wreck-less and bored. I spiral like two fronts merging over the plains and forming a fierce E5 of destruction. I guess what I’m saying is … I’m slipping.
Lola Trying 