Have you ever read one of those stories where about 15 pages in you’re faced with a decision? Your choice then directs you to a specific page where the story continues until another decision must be made. The entire experience plays out in the same fashion until the story ends. If you want to, and I did, you could start the adventure all over again and make different choices on the next go around and receive a different ending. Sometimes I would just pick up the story from a previous poor decision. There was really no need to go all the way back to the beginning, the first 15 pages never changed.
I always liked these types of books because no one likes a sad ending and I never had to settle for one. My goal was always to find the right combination of choices that led the hero to victory and their happy ever after. It also reminds me of video games. Remember Frogger? Jump to quickly or in the wrong direction and your roadkill or an alligator snack. But it didn’t really matter, you got endless lives, so we re-assessed the situation, reflected on where we went wrong and took a different path. Eventually, we all ended up landing on the Lilly pad. Sometimes, in pure frustration, I’d chuck the control and curse the machine, only to come back and try again later. But once a level was beaten, it was part of the past and each start from then on was just from the last one I failed.
For me, I see life in a similar way. A game to play, levels to beat, and choices to make all leading to one’s happy ever after. Yet sometimes we find ourselves stuck on a level or at what appears to be the end of the story, not realizing we have the power to save ourselves. We don’t have to go back to the beginning, because the first 15 pages never change. Some people choose to go back to their first fork in the road. They will choose a different story from that point forward. Armed with the knowledge of hindsight on where their story went wrong. For others, the thought alone of doing that equates to slowly sawing away at a healed scar with a dull butter knife. Some will choose to only go back a few chapters or to the last major boss level of the game. And sadly some will never go back. They will just keep trudging forward living with their decisions, some of which were never really their choice to make at all. Because the game isn’t always fair & sometimes the decisions are handed to us like we draw a “go directly to jail” card and well, the rules are rules. So, they will begrudgingly play the cards they were dealt until their game ends. Win lose or draw the ending of their story will be chalked up to fate, better luck next time kid.
I have a friend who feels like she is at the end of her game. A pawn on the board, fate moving the pieces and the king will soon be captured. She has no say in the next move. But what if she went back a few chapters? What if she conscientiously decided to revisit her last boss level? Choose door #2 this time and not #1? What if door #2 redirected her story to a hidden level of the game. One she never knew existed. Like a secret passageway behind a library shelf, the portal is revealed, and she begins down a path of new adventures toward the her happy ending?
As for me, I’m flipping back a few chapters I returned to school and I’ve stopped drinking. I am revisiting some previous choices and taking some different paths. I am noticing that sometimes these alternate trails will have to be cleared of vines and growth, after all, I’ve never taken them before. Even worse – sometimes I may need to make my own trail. Not accepting the choices before me I will not turn left nor right! I will March straight ahead hacking at the foliage with a machete made of pure determination. Eventually, I’ll find the trail again and begin on the well-worn path to my next fork in the road. I will never go back to the beginning of several years of forced choices. I don’t know if I could withstand the pain of the dull butter knife and the memories of how I got the scars remain. That is enough to guide me. My happy ending is out there and every day I just need to remember I am one choice away from finding it. And I can also flip back a few chapters.
Thanks for reading – Lola
Lola Trying 